“The Emoji Movie” shows how low Hollywood will sink for easy ??.
This failed attempt to create a story from a texting trend makes the worst comic book adaptation look like Shakespeare. The script is entirely predictable despite making absolutely no sense. It not only fails to entertain, it will leave you ??.
Set in the world of smartphones, T.J. Miller voices Gene, a ??, the emoji one sends to express disinterest. Gene and his Meh parents (Steven Wright and Jennifer Coolidge, who bring the film to a screeching halt with their agonizingly slow delivery) live in Textopolis with every other Emoji you’ve ever seen. Yes, that even includes ??, even if no one ever uses it.
The Emoji wait to get used by the phone’s owner (a teen named Alex), and are living embodiments of whatever they look like. It’s a double-edged ripoff of “Toy Story” and “Inside-Out” set in a mobile “Tron,” but missing any of the internal logic or creative ? of those other, better films.
Gene has a typical lazy story’s arc. He yearns to be a individual, not just a ??. With his new pal ? (James Corden), who just wants to get back in the Favorites section; and Jailbreak (Anna Faris, channeling Wildstyle from “The Lego Movie”), they head to the phone’s “wallpaper” in the hopes of finding Dropbox and making it to the ??.
The only thing worse than the dialogue is the absurd product placement. In addition to “riding the Spotify streams” to make it all the way across the phones, there are a few glimpses hawking Crackle, a streaming service no one uses but just so happens to be owned by the same corporate entity that is distributing the film.
It’s bad enough to waste Sir Patrick Stewart as the voice of the gag-prone Poop (“just doing my duty!”), but the worst stench comes from the fake “girl power” rhetoric from Jailbreak. Any kid will recognize just how phony it is to halt would-be adventures to hear lectures about believing in yourself — and how even more phony it is when the character chucks all her ideals to keep the plot moving.
Sadly, market saturation will prevent this from being the ?? it ought to be — so get ready for “The Fidget Spinner Movie” or some other ??.
