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393 pages, ebook
First published July 31, 2017
“Have you always been?”
“Yes. I’ve always been a gentleman.”
“You should make an exception for me.”
“You don’t want me to treat you like a lady?”
“I am not a lady.” “
You’re my lady.”
“Yes. I’d like to be yours.”
“I love you, Shelly. I’ll love you when you break. And I’ll love you when you put yourself back together.”
"If you were any more inbred, you'd be pastrami."
"What? Pastrami?"
"You know, 'in bread' like pastrami. In a sandwich."
A hesitant smile tugged her mouth to one side. “I’m trying, I’m really trying,” she said, like it was a confession, adding just before kissing me, “And you make it easier.”
You are so beautiful, when I look at you I hurt.
I dream of you every night. You’re all I think about.
You give new and glorious meaning to the word exquisite.
I can’t wait to know every part of you by heart.
“This woman was going to be the death of me. How was it possible to both dislike and admire a person this much? To want—no, crave—so badly to be in her company and be rid of her at the same time?”
“Yeah, she was beautiful, She was also smart, clever, a brilliant mechanic. And… complicated. And mean. I shouldn’t forget mean. Super, super mean.”
“It would be easy to look at her and only ever see the shell, be blinded by her form. But her flaws, her resilience in the face of her struggles, her strength of character and honor, that’s what made her who she was. She was exquisite to me and I loved her because I knew her.”
“I’m here to listen and hold your tools.”
I hoped that last bit was an innuendo.
“Not that tool.”
Damn. “What do you mean then? Hold my tools?”
“Bounce ideas off me, go through scenarios...."
“Cletus had instructed Duane to put his concerns in the suggestion box. Of note, Cletus had labelled the shredder in the upstairs office suggestion box.”
“Educating the mind without educating the heart is no education at all.” ~ Aristotle
“I shall take the heart. For brains do not make one happy, and happiness is the best thing in the world.” ~ L. Frank Baum, The Wonderful Wizard of Oz
October 29
1. Beau
2. Long walks
3. Autum
“I was also tempted to write poetry. To Shelly. From me. I was going to tell her all the ways she was amazing, epic, and extraordinary.”
“You’re a good kisser.”
“I practice.”
“Oh?”
“Yes. With my pillow. And a watermelon that one time.”
“Do you feel sorry for her, Beau? Is that why you want to help?
“Hell, yes, I feel sorry for her.”
“That’s not a good basis for—”
“But mostly, I feel sorry for everyone else. Because from what I’ve seen, the glimpses of herself she’s shared with me, it’s a damn shame no one else gets to see it. It leads me to suspect that what we see of her on the outside has nothing on the beauty of the inside.”
“Shelly.”
“Yes?”
“Look at me.”
“Why?”
“I love how it feels.”
“I love you, Shelly. I’ll love you when you break. And I’ll love you when you put yourself back together.”
"When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain."
What must that be like? To be a prisoner of your own mind? To have your actions and desires held hostage by irrational fear.
You've seen me at my worst, and you love me anyway.
**ARC received in exchange for an honest review.**
“Have you considered that there’s someone out there who might not consider these things about you crazy? That someone might take the time to understand your disorder, take the time to understand and therefore appreciate you?”
I shook my head. “No.”
“You are as bright as a black hole and twice as dense.”
“All people are broken, Shelly. No one is perfect. Some seek help. Some don’t. But no one is ever fixed by another person. We can only work on ourselves. We are—using your analogy—our own refrigerators, no one else’s.”
I tossed a thumb over my shoulder. “The toilet is acting funny.”
“Like what? You mean satire?” This question came from Cletus, not bothering to glance away from where he was reading at the table. He was still in his pajamas, his curly hair a mess.Nevertheless, I was surprised to see him up so early.
“No, I mean—”
“I hope it’s a dark comedy,” he added, still not removing his attention from the newspaper.
“Cletus. That’s disgusting.”Sitting across from Cletus, Duane’s tone was reprimanding.
Finally, Cletus tore his eyes from the paper. “What?”
“Dark comedy?” My twin lifted his eyebrows.“Meaning poop?”
“No, Duane.” Cletus paired this with a suffering sigh.
“That would make it a shitty comedy,” I piped in, adding fuel to the conversation fire as I was prone to do, feeling more myself as I smiled.