WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Hinting darkly that "there's something going on," Donald J. Trump complained on Friday that he has been treated "very unfairly" by the people who wrote the United States Constitution.
"If the Constitution prevented me from doing one or two things, I'd chalk that up to bad luck," he said. "But when literally everything I want to do is magically a violation of the Constitution, that's very unfair and bad treatment."
Lashing out at the document's authors, Trump said that "America is a great country, but we have maybe the worst constitution writers in the world."
"Russia has much better constitution writers than we do," he said. "I talked to Putin, and he said their constitution never gives him problems."
"The situation is very unfair!" he added.
In an ominous warning, Trump said that, as of Friday, he was putting the writers of the U.S. Constitution "on notice."
"I don't have their names yet, but that's something I'm looking into," he said. "These jokers are not going to get away with this."
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