Warning: There may be some minor American Horror Story spoilers.
Dylan McDermott, oh my sweet (and sometimes fictionally violent + crazy), Dylan McDermott.
Where did you come from? And what is that coat?
Are you an alien? How does one remain so flawlessly gorgeous over the course of so many years?
Basically, HOW ARE YOU 52?
What is your secret? Sell me your potions. Give me your body.
Remember when you were only like 1/4 as hot as you are now and that was 20 years ago?
And then you came back into our lives and lit'rally changed all conceptions on aging?
Hypothetical question: What is age anyway?
What makes you smile? What are your hobbies? Marry me?
You are so free.
And by free, I mean all of the times you were naked on American Horror Story.
And that time you furiously masturbated, came, then cried.
WE ALL CRIED.
Your hotness can even penetrate this 2009 Kate Gosselin-esque haircut.
And when you're wrestling another man with only a towel on...
... sensually eating a banana...
... getting stabbed...
... looking down at something on the ground...
... or appear to be in the process of taking your clothes off.
How do you expect us, as human beings, to behave?
I believe there's only one way to behave...
... and we learned that from you.
*Screams*
*Eats a donut*
*Furiously masturbates*
Dies.
