food

whenever i smell wasabi peas i think 'brine shrimp' and feel kind of uneasy, but i still enjoy eating them.

one time i heated up v8 and pretended it was soup. it was good.

my dad and i used to go to diners when i was little and i'd always get a new york strip steak, because of the word 'strip.' i thought i was being 'bad' because it contained a word that was also in 'strip clubs,' like, probably strippers ate a lot of strip steak.

a former roommate of mine liked to dip pork rinds in hummus.

i once caught another former roommate of mine eating clorox. she was really embarrassed about it, but told me she always eats a little bit of it when she uses it, because she likes the smell. i thought it was cute/endearing.

i've been eating oatmeal that 'expired' in august '09, seems okay though.

from october 2003 - january 2004 i probably consumed the most calories per day in my entire life. i was really depressed. mostly i ate chicken strips/fries from this place in philadelphia across from my apartment, then when i moved back to maryland i think i had mcdonald's/wendy's 3-4 times a week. gained 30 pounds (then lost it).

i have 4 different kinds of mustard in my refrigerator.

i bought dulse awhile ago and i'm afraid of it.

i drank coconut water once and it reminded me of semen.

cilantro is my favorite herb/spice. it makes me nervous to chew mint or other leafy herbs. it feels dangerous.

i have licked chocolate syrup off of a penis.

a few nights ago, i was very drunk and started eating this olive hummus with 'pretzel crisps.' as i ate, i watched the last 10 minutes of 'the other boelyn girl' on hbo or something. i keep trying to eat the hummus/chips again but every time i eat one, i have a mental picture of natalie portman looking sad before her head gets cut off, which doesn't really bother me, but it's not what usually happens when i eat hummus/chips, so i feel kind of disoriented.

i've eaten an entire jar of pickles in one sitting.

i used to eat ketchup packets from fast food places. i still do sometimes. like, suck on them, gradually.

kind of can't believe sprite is a soda, like, how is that a successful soda? it seems so much less 'hard' than cola or fruit flavored sodas. i like it, though.

i probably consume, on average, anywhere from 800-1400 calories per day.

if i had to have sex with any food, penis-shaped things aside, it would probably be rice noodles. like, with no sauce. the texture is kind of 'sexy,' i think.

i have over 100 drafts of blog posts and only 46 actual blog posts, haha

i think my next relationship is going to be with a moody/depressive/highly emotional guy because i want to feel like 'the calm one'

lately, when driving, i have mental pictures of somehow making a small mistake and my car spinning out of control, then i get impaled by an oncoming car

also, when walking down stairs, i think i'll trip and my shin bones will become detached from my knees and i'll be lying there with these bloody stumps

the ligament or whatever it is that holds my knee to my shin bone doesn't seem powerful enough somehow

when talking to people, i fear somehow messing up conversationally and a series of small but catastrophic events occurring, maybe resulting in the other person's eventual hatred of me

i'm pretty sure every day i mess up really badly, conversation-wise

yesterday i was talking to my new co-worker about alcohol

we had been having a really good, 20 minute conversation about other things prior to talking about alcohol

she said she has friends that drink to get wasted

i said sometimes i do that

then she said "oh"

then neither of us said anything for ~15 minutes

then i think i said something like, "i think i drink because i'd rather not be in a social situation and drinking makes it easier and more fun, like, i worry less, but, i'd rather be at home or something usually, except for maybe sometimes, i don't know"

then she said nothing

then i said, "do you think i'm an insane alcoholic with social problems"

then she kind of laughed and said no

i felt really bad

last night i had a dream that strangers kept approaching me on the street and asking me when i was moving out of my apartment. then my building maintenance guy told me someone else had taken over my lease and i was getting kicked out. woke up scared.

"blogging about insecurity and irrational fear..."

feels like this blog post is 'overcooked' or something, sorry