whenever i'm at a stop sign or red light i feel like people are staring at me
also when i walk down the street, i'm pretty much constantly worried about people staring at me, though i'm not sure what would be bad about that
i have so many unpublished blog posts
would people be interested in a chapbook of my unpublished blog posts? it would be cheap, like, $3 probably
feeling nervous about asking that... maybe forget i asked that, i don't know
last night i slept over at my mom's apartment
i woke up at 5 a.m. and ate food that made my mouth feel weird/sticky and couldn't fall asleep again
this morning she got a package of 'make your neck smaller' cream from the home shopping network
she laughed kind of hysterically to herself while she put it on, sitting on the couch
i think she asked me questions while she was putting it on, or maybe she just talked to herself
shortly after that i left
'shortly'
...
whenever i come back to my apartment i feel very alone, but not sad. sometimes sad, i guess. i don't think i ever feel 'fulfilled'
there have been many days in the past 1.5 years where i just sit in different places in my apartment and have minimal thoughts, or maybe worried thoughts, or maybe just thoughts like 'i want to eat (this),' or envisioning successful conversations i'll have someday
seems like i'm constantly worried that i'm making bad decisions without being aware of it, that i will continue to do that and maybe grow old 'emily grimes style'
i had to do a reading for a class i'm in and some people said i seemed 'endearingly shy.' that made me feel good/continues to make me feel good, but writing it down right now makes me feel retarded
most of the time i think i want to be lying down, listening to quiet noises
i wrote this blog post without editing it or anything, except to write 'i wrote this blog post without editing it or anything'
17 comments:
i would purchase a chapbook of your unpublished blog posts
me too
I would also purchase that chapbook.
damn re 'minimal thoughts'
put myself lying down many functionless / unornamented places in my apartment and have thoughts a lot that
'my thoughts aren't going anywhere'
and
'i'm not thinking about anything'
and
'how long can i exhale for, can i use advanced breathing techniques to exhale forever possibly'
or whatever and push my face onto things and into things and worry about my face
want that chapbook too
k like so i made a wordpress bc it is more professional than blogspot like what do you think of this
feel psyched that you have a new blogpost
don't currently have time to read it
look forward to reading it
'left the farm (delaware), drove to the coast (via new jersey), driving to new york (leaving in 10 minutes), currently in a diner in summersville, new jersey, sweet'
sweet
ok sorry
somers point i mean
who cares
i really identify with the things you think about when you're alone in your apartment.
can i buy a chapbook
sup
did the neck thinning cream work?
hi jordan, brittany, dj, matthew, sarah: sweet, yes. thank you. i'm working on it, when i'm done with finals i think something will happen. thanks guys.
matthew, i enjoyed reading your comment
henry miller: i think i feel indifferent about wordpress... like, maybe people with food blogs use wordpress. i like yours, i forget when/how i read it but i want to read it more
michael: what up son
meggie: sweet, i'm glad
ryan: 8======D~~~
tao: nm, just chillin
ben: not that i can see, really
all: i just realized how old this post was/comment reply delay is really bad. i feel bad, sorry
oh, so this is why your livejournal is defunct.
i'd missed your writing, and now i don't have to.
are you still a writer?
killin the game
i'd buy a chapbook fo sho. your writing is refreshing... and thus addictive, damn you
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