Glossy lips and amazing cleavagewill inspire a guy to cross acrowded room, but when it comes totriggering that hit-by-a-truck (in agood way) feeling, less obvious factorsare at play. "Although guys might noteven realize it, they have severaldeep-seated fears about commitmentthat may stop them from pursuing awoman," says Diana Kirschner, PhD,author of Love in 90 Days. "And ona subconscious level, they're instantlyattracted to personality traits that putthose fears at ease."You likely already possess the tantalizingtraits Kirschner is referringto. The trick is knowing how to playthem up when you're face-to-facewith a worthy guy. Put the followingadvice into action and the only thinghe'll have to be afraid of is falling inlove too fast.
Ignore Him After Five Minutes
You've just met anincredibly gorgeousguy, and he doesn'teven have a BrodyJenner–size ego tomatch. "At this point, alot of women want toshower the guy withattention because that'show we treat girlfriends we like,"Kirschner says. "But that can make aguy feel pressured, and being pressuredinto a relationship is somethingmany men worry about." The smartermove? Don't act so impressed.
Refusing to be wowed easily willsend the message that not only are younot pressuring him, but you may evenbe slightly out of reach. "Because menare biologically hardwired to be competitive,they need to feel like they'remaking the choice to be with you andthen working toward winning youover," says John Amodeo, PhD, authorof The Authentic Heart. "You need togive a guy the space to do that." Insteadof focusing on him, pay just as much(and, at times, even more) attention toothers around you, advises clinicalpsychologist Belisa Vranich, PsyD,author of He's Got Potential.
And when he mentions having donesomething undeniably awesome, likestudying abroad in Nepal, resist theurge to gush about how amazing thatmust have been. Play it cool by maintaininga low-key tone, and challengehim to prove how smart he is by saying"That's a curious choice. What madeyou decide to go there?" By questioninghim (instead of going all awestruck),you'll trigger his competitive instincts.
Be Comfortable in Your Skin
It doesn't matter how drop-deadsexy your outfit is. If you're not confidentabout and comfortable withyour body, a guy can tell — and beturned off — in a matterof minutes."If you move withconfidence and sensuality,it's a sign thatyou're going to be justas confident and sensualin the bedroom,"Vranich says, "whichsquashes any worries he might have that he's going to datea hot girl only to find out she's neverin the mood." In other words, a perfectlytimed lip lick or sensual stretchmight as well be catnip for men.
If you're a normally confident chickwho can get nervous around guys — especially hot ones — try focusing onlittle details around you. You can'tpay attention to how the bartenderis constructing his signature cocktailand psych yourself out at the sametime. "Projecting your attention outwardinstead of inward helps yourelax," Kirschner says.
Once you're feeling more comfortable,try dragging your fingers slowlyalong your collarbone, massagingyour neck, or arching your backwhile letting him see and/or hear (tryletting out a little mmm...). When hesees how good you're making yourselffeel, he'll subconsciously assumethat you're someone who loves togive and get pleasure.
Show Off Your Playful Side
Okay, so you probably already knowthat guys go gaga for fun girls andsteer clear of chicks who seemuptight. But you'll never guess why."A lot of guys are afraid that the secondthey commit to a girl, they'll turninto one of those couples who fightall the time," Kirschner says. A playfulattitude shows him you have asense of humor, and he assumes thatany woman who laughs easily is goingto be a helluva lot more pleasant tobreak out the boxing gloves with.
"What do guys do with other guyswhen they're at odds? They have funand make fun of each other," says datingcoach Evan Marc Katz, author ofWhy You're Still Single. "Guys don'tfight dirty with their male friends; theyjust mess around." Ideally, that's theway he wants it to be with you.
"Being playful shows that you canreframe bad things in a positive lightand laugh at them, not get tooworked up about them," Vranichsays. If he's wearing a goofy shirt,tease him about it. Or if you spillyour wine or say something stupid,laugh it off instead of freezing up. Aguy will especially read into how youtalk about other relationships, soshow him that you're the type whodoesn't freak out easily by telling hima funny story about the time yourfriend's BF totally botched the firstmeeting with her parents...and howit cracked you up.
Talk About What You Really Love
That initial conversation you havewith him is the perfect time to mentionthat you just went to your firstforeign-film festival or have suddenlybecome obsessed with runningor cooking or whatever. You'llsimultaneously be clueing him in towhat you like and putting one of men's biggest relationship fears torest: boredomphobia.
"Men are looking for excitement,they're looking for high energy, they'relooking for passion in a relationship,"Kirschner says. "So they're inherentlymore attracted to someone who'sthrilled to try new things."
Whether a guy knows it or not,there's a scientific reason why hisnatural preference for passionatechicks pays off. Studies show thatdoing something you've never donebefore leads to the creation of thebrain chemical dopamine, whichcreates feelings similar to romanticinfatuation. So if he's with a girl wholoves to do fun and interesting thingsevery weekend, the dopamine willkeep flowing and they're both morelikely to stay madly in love.
To show him that life with youcould never be boring, let him knowthat you're prepared to sell your soulfor tickets to see your favorite bandin concert next month or that youcan make 10 kinds of salsa that areall 100 times better than what's onthe bar. In other words, don't holdback when it comes to what you love.He'll be wowed by your enthusiasm — even if he couldn't care lessabout your obsession.
Robin Hilmantel is the digital director at Women's Health, where she oversees the editorial strategy for WomensHealthMag.com and its social platforms. She has almost 10 years of experience writing and editing for national publications, and more than 8 years of experience writing and editing health, fitness, and nutrition content specifically. In addition to Women's Health, her work has also appeared in TIME, Food Network Magazine, Cosmopolitan, New York Magazine, SELF, Glamour.com and other publications.
