The last thing any parent wants to hear is that they are screwing up their kids. Right? If you are anything like me, you are doing everything you can... you are doing the very best you can... to not let this happen. The truth is, we could be doing more damage to our offspring with our good lessons than we could be doing with our bad ones. I know that you are tilting your head and reading this with a side eye right about now, but bear with me.
Think of the lessons your parents taught you. Be kind to everyone. Work hard to have a comfortable life. Money doesn’t grow on trees. Love is work. People are jealous of our money. Marriage is a compromise. Friends are hard to come by. I could go on and you could likely add a series of lessons of your own to this list.
These are not just lessons, these are belief patterns. Beliefs handed to us over many generations with the best of intentions, but limiting us in every possible way. How? If you were told that love is hard work... by definition wouldn’t you need to find a partner that is hard work? If you were taught that long hard hours are the only road to success.... wouldn’t you then look for a job with long hard hours to get to that success? If you were shown examples of how admired your (mom/dad/relative/friends) were for overcoming obstacles... wouldn’t you then come to believe that only through obstacles would you be admired? Further, what would a life look like, if you were consistently looking for these obstacles so you could then be admired?
Now when reading it that way, it sounds absurd to suggest that you would be “choosing” the harder journey, right? Chances are, it wasn’t your conscious choice to make these decisions but more so, your subconscious choice... delivered to you via your learned beliefs.
Think about it. What are your beliefs on love? Now, how many of those love beliefs did you hand-craft by yourself with no outside influence? Chances are, few to none.
As we make decisions for our kids... and chose what lessons we teach them, it might be best to really take a step back and consider if that lesson is really a belief... and if it’s one that will limit their ability to thrive.
As a child I was taught (not just by my parents, but mostly friends) that people are jealous of money. They are jealous and will say awful things about you, even hurtful lies, when they know of your good fortune. How has this belief pattern effected me? It made me work insanely hard (not in a healthy way) to prove how worthy I am to get paid for my work. Furthermore, I took less money for work I should have been paid much more for and left tons of money on the table for fear I’d look “greedy.”
Was it my parents, or even more, my friends intentions of making me feel unworthy of money? No, of course not. But, like you... I wanted to do my best and show the world I was worthy and I was enough.
So, I ask... what beliefs are you passing down to your children with the best of intentions? How can you tweak these lessons so they are not “limited” by these beliefs but rather fueled by their own definition of self fulfillment? Let’s talk it out.... Im hosting a private LIVE workshop on facebook on Wednesday August 27th 2016 to talk about how to instill new belief patterns. It’s called REPROGRAM and my son and I would love for you to join us with your kid(s).