"Monotony
means being married to the same person for all your life."
Use
the word "judicious" in a sentence to show you understand
its meaning - Hands
that judicious can be as soft as your face...
How
important are elections to a democratic society? - Sex can only
happen when a male gets an election
What
is Britain's highest award for valour in war?
Nelson's Column
What's
a Hindu?
It lays eggs
Name
the four seasons
Salt, mustard, pepper, vinegar
What
changes happen to your body as you age?
When you get old, so do your bowels and you get inter-continental
What
guarantees may a mortgage company insist on? They'll insist you're
well endowed if you're buying a house
What
is a co-operative? It's a kind of shop that is not as dear as places
like Marks and Spencer
What
is artificial respiration commonly known as?
The Kiss of Death
What
are steroids?
Things for keeping the carpet on the stairs
What
is a common treatment for a badly bleeding nose? Circumcision
"I've
said goodbye to my boyhood, now I'm looking forward to my adultery."
"I
always know when its time to get up when I hear my mother sharpening
the toast."
"Christians
go on pilgrimage to Lord's."
"A
major disease associated with smoking is premature death."
"The
equator is a menagerie lion running around the earth through Africa."
"Artificial
insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead of the
bull."
"Cows
produce large amounts of methane, so the problem could be solved
by fitting them with catalytic converters."
"The
process of flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes
large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists."
"The
moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even deader"
"Dew
is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them
perspire."
"A
super-saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold."
"Mushrooms
always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas."
"The
body consists of three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abominable
cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains
the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowels,
of which there are five - a, e, i, o and u."
"Momentum:
What you give a person when they are going away."
"Planet:
A body of earth surrounded by sky."
"Rhubarb:
A kind of celery gone bloodshot."
"Before
giving a blood transfusion find out if the blood is affirmative
or negative."
"To
remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose."
"For
a nosebleed: put the nose much lower than the body until the heart
stops."
"For
drowning: climb on top of the person and move up and down to make
Artificial Perspiration."
"For
Fainting: Rub the person's chest or, if a lady, rub her arm above
the hand instead. Or put the head between the knees of the nearest
medical doctor."
"To
prevent contraception: wear a condominium."
"For
head cold: use an agonizer to spray the nose until it drops in your
throat."
"To
keep milk from turning sour: keep it in the cow."
"The
pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects."
"The
alimentary canal is located in the northern part of Indiana."
"The
skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and
the outsides have been taken off. The purpose of the skeleton is
something to hitch meat to."
"A
permanent set of teeth consists of eight canines, eight cuspids,
two molars, and eight cuspidors."
"The
tides are a fight between the Earth and Moon. All water tends towards
the moon, because there is no water in the moon, and nature abhors
a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight."
"A
fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it
is."
Exam
answers from actual nursing examination papers.
The
lady was incontinent and the nurse was told to watch her passing
urine.
The
patient was put under the physiotherapist who came often.
I informed
the patient she could get up when her legs go down.
The
patient had a large bowl movement (instead of Bowel).
The
student nurse was sent for a long stand. She did not return for
two hours.
More
silly stuff like this in Skiver's
Corner
Got
some funnies for Skiver's Corner? Send 'em in and win
stuff!
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