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Boris Johnson
Boris Johnson: 'His psyche may appear to be as unruly as his hair, but his timing is razor-sharp.' Photograph: Clive Rose/Getty Images
Boris Johnson: 'His psyche may appear to be as unruly as his hair, but his timing is razor-sharp.' Photograph: Clive Rose/Getty Images

Boris Johnson is no laughing matter

This article is more than 11 years old
Suzanne Moore
The idea of the mayor of London becoming Tory party leader is terrifying even to many Conservatives

All hail Borisconi – formerly known as Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson and the political Mo Farah of the Olympics. Bojo is still keeping it real, sometimes too real. Don't mention the affairs or the Spectator editorial about Hillsborough that he had a hand in. The man with his finger on the national pulse once thought it was OK to pontificate on the wallowing in self-pity of Liverpudlians. Water under the bridge now, as fireworks and flags are everywhere. Such is Boris's appeal that should he be caught at a bunga bunga party it would be written off as Prince Harry-style exuberance.

The psyche of Boris may appear as unruly as his hair but his timing is razor-sharp. The victory parade turned into a Boris rally with Cameron looking timid next to him. He bashed the French and cracked some great jokes. What more do you want? Please don't say substance. Boris's style is substantial enough to have made him the most recognisable and popular politician in the land. While he often seemed bored during his own mayoral campaign, he has, as they say, "owned" these Olympics.

The polls now register his charisma, hence much over-excited premature speculation. He is not yet PM, not even an MP. When he was, he was fairly lacklustre. Nor does he appeal so much to those weird minorities the Tories need to win power: women, northerners, the upper-working classes. A quick trip past Luton pricks the Boris bubble. Yet his ability to embody hope, cheer and pride over the summer has been indeed phenomenal. While Osborne was booed and Ed Miliband took himself to Greece to think deep thoughts, Boris invited Murdoch as his special guest. Murdoch bumped into Jeremy Hunt near the aquatics. We were told they had a chat about swimming. Yes, and I am faster than Usain Bolt. Murdoch likes to associate himself with winners, as we know. And the media tentacles spread. Boris now employs his ex-champion, former Evening Standard editor Veronica Wadley. Still, you wouldn't want Wadley's husband Tom Bower doing one of his donkey-punch biographies, would you?

Undoubtedly Boris is brilliant and funny and clever. Before he was so powerful he would liven up many a boring debate on the euro with the admission that he had gone into a deep trance. Detail is not his forte; the big picture, the grand symbolic gesture, is. His outbursts of honesty hide his imperial attitude. They hide his utter ruthlessness and the fact that he a politician, not a gameshow panellist.

His record shows that he is not above betraying people he has worked for, in one way or another. He promised more than he can deliver. He did not deliver the Olympics but is sucking up vast amounts of credit for them. His hack trick of winging it has come into its own. The level at which he needs to be in control is frightening and that control combined with his intellect is what makes him a superb writer. The clownishness masks the absolute need to win. Once he got me into a party. Some Tory do, not his party, let me make that clear, and he said I could stay for 20 minutes. I was happily chatting as I knew many people there when he whispered after exactly 20 minutes: "Your time is up." That's bonhomie for you.

Petty but telling, I felt, and not in the least shambolic. If you don't know his core of steel then rewind the tape of the conversation he had with self-confessed "potential psychopath" Darius Guppy. Guppy is after a telephone number for someone who has too much information on him. "If this guy is seriously hurt, I am going to be fucking furious," says Boris. Guppy reassures him it won't be "intensive care". Just cracked ribs. Nice.

This man's lifestyle is hardly the stuff of Tory "family values" but what does Boris think of abortion and single parents? Is such fecklessness fine if you can afford it? He once supported Section 28. Since then, he has been at Pride marches. He will do what it takes. He has bashed the bankers. And he wants an island with an airport on it. What his values are is hard to say. His achievements as mayor have been rather like the bikes: unwieldy, expensive, not his own idea, but heavily branded as if they were.

The idea of him as party leader is terrifying even to many in his own party. The laissez-faire chaotic individuality is superficially attractive but what does he want power for? To simply scoop up adulation and the daft women who throw themselves at him? His rise is the product of a deeply anti-politics mood that looks appealingly different but is not as transgressive at it appears. He is able to summon up the "national" mood, work the media and make us feel good. But do not mistake this laughter for freedom. He is no libertarian but someone with an actual lust for authority. Hilarious, if you actually want a Borisconi in charge. Not so funny if you don't.

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