DEFINING CHILD "SUPPORT"
The conversation naturally moves toward the father's role and responsibilities as a father. On the surface, our curiosities probe at whether those responsibilities start and end with a father merely paying for the care of his child. At a deeper level, our questions dig at the legitimacy of some of the perceptions and practices inside today's black community. For example, if Dad is regularly giving Mom money to care for his child(ren), is it fair to file for court-ordered child support payments? If so, should he also be court-ordered to spend time with the child(ren). What if Dad is actively involved in the physical rearing and development of the child (homework, transportation, Dr. visits, etc), but pays no support; is it morally/legally appropriate to file then?I know, our readers want tougher questions right? Consider the scenario of Bernard Raldiris, a Latino father in Laredo Texas, who spends every day helping his 16 year old daughter go over her homework assignments. Remarried, his wife and he donate a monthly portion of their income to her care. The mother of his daughter says, "it's not enough"! She often threatens to file for child support. Fair? Appropriate? You be the judge.
A SINGLE MOTHER SPEAKS ON IT! (Real name has been changed)
"A man should pay what he can, court-ordered or not", states Renae B., an African-American mother of five. She went on to say that $30 or $40 here-and-there is not sufficient if you can do more. Renae believes that even if she could do it on her own, the moral principal of equal responsibility trumps how much a man earns or doesn't earn. "There are still school activities, healthcare, household utilites, and college," she declared.
FFM's interview with Ms. B. finally transitioned to the notion of "child-support" being more than just financial payments. We asked her to share with us her own situation with her children's father. She admitted that her situation was complicated, but that the relationship had in fact, degraded over time. "He used to be very active in their lives, and was a great dad. So, I didn't mind so much that he didn't provide more money for them," she said. "But these day's, he's not there for them at all".FFM asked if, theoretically, he should be jailed with hardened criminals for non-payment. She answered, "I think so. Why should I have to struggle by myself to provide for them?"
In a poignant twist of irony, Renae is currently under her own court order to make child support payment to the father of her children, even though they reside with her! Some years back, in an effort to ease the burden of caring for her children, the father had temporary custody of some of the children. She got behind on payments and now makes rear-age payments. The father still does not adequately contribute financially for his children.
LEGALLY SPEAKING
It could be said that the court's enforcement of support payments is flawed. For instance, it doesn't mandate record-keeping for how payments are spent. The system doesn't coerce a father to participate in the day-to-day rearing of the child. But how could a court pragmatically direct and track such participation?During our interview with Renae B. , we asked her opinion on the matter. She suggested that it could be managed like probation programs. Court officers could require parents to provide a list of proposed activities and appointments, like doctor's visits, school transportation, and homework help. After mediating what share each parent would be responsible for, receipts and record-keeping would ensure compliance.
Tell Us What You Think?
Child support is such a touchy subject. I think it’s a touchy subject because both parties have to deal with knowing that the relationship they once shared is now over. Additionally, there is still a child that will bond them together for the rest of their natural lives. Some break-ups end amicable and some does not. Nonetheless the two have to work together to deal with their child. Child support becomes a nightmare for both parties when the communication process fails. For some women their revenge to the father is to just go throw them on child support because they are mad. This is not always the best thing to do because the child is the one that suffer in the end. It takes a strong man to get over the fact that a woman put them in the system because one decided to move on from probably an unhealthy relationship especially if he is and were that ideal father. In some situations I do feel that someone should be but on child support rather that person is a man or female. Gender has no place when you are talking about the needs of a child. If both parents are giving the emotional, physical and financial support that that child need there is no need for anyone to be but on support. However, there is an exception to that. If the father or mother is making enough money and only giving a few dollars here and there and feel like just because one spend time with that child they should not have to give money is not right. It is not fair for a one parent to have to give their all and the other parent to give 20%. Lights, Gas and Food is not paid by giving time. Those needs are met by financial obligations. Time and attention to a child is invaluable. Every child like for their mother and father to go to a game with them or take them shopping but that child also would like to eat and watch T.V. Every aspect of that child life should be equal between both parents. If one parent is not able to give equal then give whatever you can but try to get back to equal. Being remarried or having another child with someone else is not a reason not to be able to give 50%. Having another child is only saying that I am in a place to give both children 100%. Another child should not suffer because one has decided to have other children or get married. That should not affect that child in anyway. If that child is affect then this is the time to try and talk it out with the other parent and if you guys cannot come up with a solution now it’s time to think about Child Support options. Child support should be the last resort. With that said if the relationship ended because of emotional or physical abuse I think going through the system is best for each party. No child should have to see their parents act out of character. It is so much that can be talked about of this topic but I will let someone else have the floor.
ReplyDeleteThanks for listening
Nicole
On the article regarding Renae B. and the issues of child support. Her situation is more complicated then she stated. Her words were chosen carefully as she explained her situation. Not to portray herself in a bad light.
ReplyDeleteMs. B. has 5 children with 3 different fathers. Each father has been there for their child(ren) both financially and with everyday situations. It is hard to be involved in your child(ren) life when the mother is a ticking time bomb. No person man or woman can constantly deal with the other parent of their child always wanting to physically fight and hurt them. The 3 older children have the same father and when he had enough the fighting, arguing, and money stealing by her he left. And everyone knows a bitter woman is hard to deal with. The dad was constantly involved in his children lives and even 241-kids placed the kids in his custody because of certain matters with the mother. After Ms. B. put the 2 older children out of the home for constantly being put out of school and kicked off the bus, their dad was left a voicemail to pick the kids up or they would be dropped off at the light house. The father picked his children up the same day and kept them for 4 years without any support from Renae. He had to pay her to braid their hair and constantly call her to even see them on the weekend. While the children was in the home Renae used them as weapons having them steal paperwork, pay checks, record things going on in the household between their father and his new wife. After two years of having the children and no support yes she was order to pay support for 2 while he paid for 1. The case was started in 2003 and since then she only made 6 payments. If she was a man she would have to pay arrearages.
The system should work both ways. When a woman cannot accept that a relationship is over between the adults and cannot allow him to have one with his children then he should pay what is court ordered until he is no longer in danger. The entire community knows the situation with Ms. B. and all her children fathers and everyone knows to be with the children they have to be with her.
It is not always the father that is in the wrong, but the mother that prevents him from being there. Just like the father should be jailed for non payment so should the mother 6 payments since 2003 any man would have already done jail time.
Madison Joseph: "I am tired of fighting my ex about the kids. The court system should be questioned . . . .I am 100% active even with 50/50 custody. The court should mandate split in all cases where neglect or abuse doesn't exit. A policy change should come to light at some point in the pre or post part of the process."
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