SMS Jokes 19+

SMS Jokes:

Santa goes to library and asks for the book- Psycho, the Rapist.
Librarian searches, comes back and slaps him and says-Idiot!! The book is PSYCHOTHERAPIST
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A man went to heaven. God was shocked to see his heart still beats!!!
Man Explained " I may be no more but my friends still live in my heart"
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It might be funny but at the same time its very true...
And universal truth is .... "Good boys get heaven and bad boys get women.."

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Santa pathan se : Khan sahab ap larki k bajaye larke se sex kyun karte hain, Pathan: O santa ji mard ka muqabla mard se hona chaiye.

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What's the geographical definition of sex?

Its an action done by Pol-land into Hol-land between Thai-land, occasionally with a little help from Greece!!

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Girl 400 Meters race me boys se jeet gayi.

Teacher: ye kaise kiya?
Girl: Main PICHE SE SKIRT (bina panty) UCHI KARKE bhagi. KOI MUJHSE AAGE HI NAHI NIKLA...

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Life me kitni bhi badi problem aaye, Bus ek baar apne GAAND pe haath rakhna or kahena ALL IS WELL. Kyunki problem me sabse pehli aadmi ki GAAND hi fathti hai!!!

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We think there is enough time to live, but we never know that which moment is our last. So love, share, care & celebrate every moment of your existence.

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Pujari ko loose motion ho gaya, medicine lete samay doctor se pucha "any precautions" doctor ne kaha "shankh zor se mat bajana

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Income tax officer hans raha tha.
Clerk: Kya Hua?
Officer: Mallika Sherawat ka return hai.
Clerk: To?
Officer: Kapde pahanti Nahi aur laundri bill 10 lakh bataya hai!!!.

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One day god tested me. He erased all my memory & asked - "Do you remember any one now?"

I told your name. God smiled & said "Some viruses can not be deleted..."

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Santa on a interview.
Lady - Name?
Santa - I'm Santa Singh
Lady - Sex?
Santa - Kar lete hai.
Lady - i mean male or female
Santa - Jo mil jaye pel dete hai.

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Good friends should be like 2 zeros, when you try to add they are same,
when you subtract, they are same again, but when you try to divide they are indivisible...

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Why do women put only cash in their blouse and not cheques?
Because cheques might BOUNCE...

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A boss has to interview for secretary post.
He asked a question each one of them: A women has two mouth, what are the difference between the two?

The first one answered.. One can talk but the other cant..

The second one answered ..One is vertical and the other one is horizontal..

The third one answered .. One is hairy and the other is not..

The last one answered .. One is for my use and the other for my boss..

Boss: you are appointed.

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Sex ke baad caal girl Aadmi se boli: Tumhari Bansuri bahut choti hai"
Aadmi bola: Mujhe thodi pata tha ke SHANMUKHANANDA HALL me Bajana hai.

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What is VEG & NONVEG?

BLUE film dekte waqt agar kisi aurat ki ankh me pani aaye to wo VEG & niche pani aaye to wo NON-VEG.

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Girl: This is my japanese top Rs. 2000 & dis is my American jeansRs.4000
Boy: Pehle Jeans ki zip bandh kar, 15 rs wali desi Chadi dikh rahi hai.
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If you fuck a woman nicely, she will love you for the rest of her life.
But if you love a woman nicely, she will fuck you for the rest of your life.

Moral: Stop loving start fucking ;)
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What is invisible sex?
A male negro fucking a female negro under moonless night in a cole mine wearing a black condom..

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Beta: Papa muje 1 bhai aur chahiye Aaj Aur Abhi...

Papa: Beta is Kaam me 9 mahine lagte hai.
Beta: Papa Aap to contractor ho 5,7 aadmi laga do jaldi ho jayega.!

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Sex k bina pareshan 1 raat biwi "JANA-GANA-MANA" gane lagi.
PATI-ye Q ga rahi ho?
Biwi: Last try h, ispe to pura hindustan khada ho jata hai.

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Man: Condom dena
dukandar waha:1 table he, jisme chedhe, usme apna lund dal k apna size batao tabhi condom milega
thodi der baad man- Condom rehne do Table de do.

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Chameli bhabhi ne chat ki dukan kholi. Dukan kholte hi customer ki line lag gayi, Kyo..?
Board par likha tha, "SIRF 10 Rs ME CHAMELI Bhabhi KI CHAAT LO"

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Lady: So much of knee pain
Doctor: Reason?
Lady: Doggy style of sexx!!!!

Doctor: Don't you know other styles?
Lady: I Know but.... Dog doesn't know..

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March is Breast Cancer Awareness month, pass this to all those who "mis"understood us when we were watching their Breast! WE STARE BECAUSE WE CARE!!!

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Nobody teaches volcanoes 2 erupt, tsunamis 2 arise, hurricanes to sway around, and no 1 teaches how to choose a Wife....

Natural disasters just happen!!!

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When an apple is red, it is ready to pluck and when a girl is 18 she is ready to ....

Vote. Tum hamesha galat hi sochege.

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Why did the grammer teacher slap Santa's son?
Because he asked: Why BRA is Singular, when it covers 2 items and PANTIES plural when it covers one item?

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FIFA decided that girls should be the goalkeeper for the next world cup, because no mater how wide they open, they never let the balls go in!!!!
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Man-Dr. I have a red ring around my penis.
Dr. Take this ointment
Next day
Man- fantastic Doc!! Its gone!! What did you give me?
Dr. Lipstick remover...

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