Tiger mums stressed out? No, they're the happiest and least likely to suffer mental health problems

• Putting your child first can make you happier, say Dutch researchers
• Their findings challenge the myth that parents who are highly involved in their children’s lives must be sacrificing their own wellbeing
• By maximising their children’s happiness – even at a cost to their own – they enjoy life and their role as parents more

By Jenny Hope Medical Correspondent

Published: 13:01 EDT, 31 October 2013 | Updated: 21:40 EDT, 31 October 2013

Putting your child first can make you happier, a study has found.

It challenges the myth that parents who are highly involved in their children’s lives must be sacrificing their own well-being, researchers said.

The team of psychologists said labels such as ‘helicopter parents’, ‘tiger mums’ or ‘little emperors’ undermine parents who place their children at the centre of family life, and assume that parents’ needs come last.

In reality, by focusing on maximising their children’s happiness, they enjoy life and their role as parents more, they claimed.

'Tiger mums' who put their children first are the happiest, researchers claim. Their findings challenge the myth that parents who are highly involved in their children's lives must be sacrificing their own wellbeing

Study leader Claire Ashton-James, from VU University in Amsterdam, said there is little research to support the assumption that investing time in your children comes at some personal cost.

Her findings, however, seemed to back up the notion that investing financial and emotional resources in others leads to greater happiness than investing in yourself. Dr Ashton-James said: ‘In short, when it comes to parental well-being, you reap what you sow.’

Together with psychologist colleagues at the University of British Columbia in Canada, Dr Ashton-James conducted two studies with 322 parents who had at least one child aged 18 or younger living at home.

In the first study parents were asked to complete a child-centrism scale to gauge their parenting style. This included the degree to which they agreed with statements such as, ‘The happiness of my children is more important to me than my own happiness’.

They were also given a survey to measure the happiness and purpose they experienced from having children by responding to statements such as, ‘My children make my life meaningful’.

The researchers found that child-centric parents were significantly more likely to report higher levels of happiness and a greater sense of purpose derived from having children.

Parents taking part in the second study were asked to retell their previous day’s activities and report how they felt during each activity.

The results found more involved parents had stronger positive feelings, weaker negative feelings, and felt their lives had more meaning during childcare.

By maximising children's happiness - even at a cost to their own - parents enjoy life and their role more

In addition, the well-being of child-centric parents was not affected negatively throughout the rest of the day, for example when they were doing housework or running errands.

This indicated their approach to parenting does not hurt their happiness when they are not taking care of their children, perhaps when they might start to feel resentful about how little time they spend on themselves. It also proved that they weren’t exaggerating how much enjoyment they got from parenting to compensate for the sacrifices they made, the researchers said.

The report, published in Social Psychological and  Personality Science, concluded: ‘We found a significant positive relationship between child-centrism and the subjective happiness and meaning of life that  participants reported deriving from parenting,’

Dr Ashton-James added: ‘The consequences of child-focused forms of parenting for the wellbeing of parents have been a source of heated debate in the popular media, largely in the absence of research.

‘These findings suggest that the more care and attention people give to others, the more happiness and meaning they experience.

‘From this perspective, the more invested parents are in their children’s well-being – that is, the more “child-centric” parents are – the more happiness and meaning they will derive from parenting.’

The findings suggest that the more care and attention people give to others, the more happiness and meaning they experience in life, say the researchers