Tuesday 14 October 2014

Daily Reflection, 14 October 2014 - Crippling Thoughts


by Jean Nathalia

14 Oct – Memorial for St. Callistus I, Pope and Martyr

Callistus (d. 223) was born a slave, owned by Carpophorus, a Christian in the household of Caesar. His master entrusted a large sum to Callistus to open a bank, which took in several deposits, made several loans to people who refused to pay them back, and went broke. Knowing he would be personally blamed and punished, Callistus fled, but was caught and returned to his owner. Several depositers begged for his life, believing that he had not lost the money, but had stolen and hid it.

They were wrong; he wasn’t a thief, just a victim, but he was sentenced to work the tin mines. By a quirk of Roman law, the ownership of Callistus was transferred from Carpophorus to the state, and when he was later ransomed out of his sentence with a number of other Christians, he became a free man. Pope St. Zephyrinus put Callistus in charge of the Roman public burial grounds, today still called the Cemetery of Saint Callistus. He later became an archdeacon and the 16th pope.

Most of what we know about him has come down to us from his critics, including an anti-Pope of the day. He was, on more than one occasion, accused of heresy for such actions as permitting a return to Communion for sinners who had repented and done penance, or for proclaiming that differences in economic classes were no barrier to marriage.

This last put him in conflict with Roman civil law, but he stated that in matters concerning the Church and the sacraments, Church law trumped civil law. In both cases he taught what the Church has taught for centuries, including today, and though a whole host of schismatics wrote against him, his crime seems to have been to practice orthodox Christianity. He was martyred for his faith.
- Patron Saint Index

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Galatians 5:1-6
When Christ freed us, he meant us to remain free. Stand firm, therefore, and do not submit again to the yoke of slavery. It is I, Paul, who tell you this: if you allow yourselves to be circumcised, Christ will be of no benefit to you at all. With all solemnity I repeat my warning: Everyone who accepts circumcision is obliged to keep the whole Law. But if you do look to the Law to make you justified, then you have separated yourselves from Christ, and have fallen from grace. Christians are told by the Spirit to look to faith for those rewards that righteousness hopes for, since in Christ Jesus whether you are circumcised or not makes no difference – what matters is faith that makes its power felt through love.

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Luke 11:37-41
Jesus had just finished speaking when a Pharisee invited him to dine at his house. He went in and sat down at the table. The Pharisee saw this and was surprised that he had not first washed before the meal. But the Lord said to him, ‘Oh, you Pharisees! You clean the outside of cup and plate, while inside yourselves you are filled with extortion and wickedness. Fools! Did not he who made the outside make the inside too? Instead, give alms from what you have and then indeed everything will be clean for you.’

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Stand firm, therefore, and do not submit again to the yoke of slavery

Two years ago, when I was preparing to conduct a retreat, I was crippled by fears of inadequacy. At the end of the retreat, I remember that I was on a high – a high from successfully delivering the retreat and claiming the two words “I can”. My friends told me to hold onto those two words, for one of the deepest battles I have is that of self-doubt. In my euphoria, I told them that I would not fall into self-doubt again and I would simply believe “I can” from then on. It would be easy.

When I faced my next assignment, the self doubt “I can’t” returned.

It seemed like this battle of self-doubt was something that would plague me for the rest of my life. I wanted to stand firm but in every new task I faced, this is the lie that would speak instantaneously. In some sense, the very fact that I battled it over and over again made me think that everything I went through in life was meaningless since I kept returning to the same battle.

In psychology, one of the main teachings is that our thoughts are merely thoughts, not truths. That is, we can sometimes have a thought of dropping a baby. Does that mean that we have done it? Does that mean that we are evil? No. It is merely a thought that has no meaning or power, if we let it remain a thought. It becomes powerful only if we let the thought turn into an action.

Similarly, one of my strongest thoughts is, “I can’t do this”. However, just because I have a tendency to think this way does not mean that I doubt myself or that I am weak in faith. What matters is what I do – that speaks more of my faith, rather than what I think.

Even though I have the thought “I can’t do this” on numerous occasions, I have, however, acted in ways that have showed that I believe that “I can”. I completed my course, found a job, started a job, worked on my relationships, ran, among others, in spite of these four words. In other words, my external voice may have said “I can’t” but my internal voice and faith has kept me steady in moving forward.

Perhaps it is time for me to laugh at those four words whenever they arise, knowing that they are merely words. Perhaps it is time for me to affirm that deep in me lies a faith and resilience that carries me so much more than these empty words ever would.
(Today’s OXYGEN by Jean Nathalia)

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Prayer: Jesus, help me to stand outside these crippling thoughts and laugh with you at how powerless they are, for our actions say so much more.
Thanksgiving: Thank you Jesus for reminding me that I am so much more than my thoughts.


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