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It's not even spring and Amber Rose has already made a year's worth of headlines, engaging in very public mudslinging with exes Wiz Khalifa and Kanye West, plus Khloé Kardashian and Kylie Jenner. But according to her 25-year-old assistant, Benji Carlisle, Amber (or "Miss Rose," as he calls her) loses zero sleep over haters, instead focusing on her son Sebastian ("Bash") and making a name for herself apart from her famous former paramours. (This fall she'll publish a self-help book, How to Be a Bad Bitch.) Cosmopolitan.com spoke to Benji — once before he and his boss took a trip to Trinidad, once after — about how he got his job, what it entails, and how all those twerking videos come about.
Last year, I was assisting celebrity stylist Emily B., and we styled Amber for the BET Awards. I had just moved to L.A. (Emily was based in New York) and Amber was looking for an assistant. She and Emily had a conversation: Amber's like, "Your assistant that was with me today is very good." And Emily's like, "He's new to L.A. I think he would be good for you."
Not even a month later, I was in Atlanta for work. Amber called and she's like, "I have to go to a party tonight and I need some help. Can you come?" I was like, "I'm actually in Atlanta right now." I was assisting an R&B artist. She's like, "Aww man, I have nobody to go with." I said, "You know what, Miss Rose? I will book the next flight to L.A. and come." And I did; I left my team a day early. I got on a plane and went to help her just for one night. That was July 18. Since then, we've been inseparable.
There's not one place I don't go with her. Literally, if you see her. you're probably two feet away from seeing me, because I'm everywhere she's at. I'm her right-hand man. I do all the daily errands like the dry-cleaning, the grocery shopping. I do tons of emails all day. I do the schedule, the calendar. If [she's dressing] for a very big event, maybe like the Grammys or something like that, her stylist, Sammy, will style her. But her chain dress for the VMAs, I got it custom-made by my friend Laurel DeWitt. Miss Rose was like, "Benji, I want to have a whole moment, I want to wear something kind of like what Rose McGowan did." I was like, "Hmm, Rose McGowan, she had on chains. Let's get this dress set up." So my friend was down to do it. We got the undergarments for it from the Internet — a metallic Swarovski G-string.
I live with her, but she cooks for herself. She makes cheesesteaks, she loves fixing anything Italian — meatballs, noodles, pasta bolognese. She's in control of her own social media. But I would say I'm the cheerleader of the group. Stuff like [her G-string monokini photo] was my doing.
She was on her way to go tan [when that happened], because she tans every two days. And I was like, "Miss Rose, baby, you can't just go tan in that, you definitely have to take a picture. She's like, "Really? In this?" I'm like, "Yes. Miss Rose, just trust me. Let me take a couple pictures. You don't even have to post them, this is just for you because you look so good right now." And I took those pictures and she was like, "Whoa, Benji. I see what you were talking about." Like, "Yeah, this is nice." And then she's like, "You think I should post this?" and I'm like, "It doesn't matter, Miss Rose. Could you post it? Yeah. But if you don't, they still look good." I'm always encouraging. And she posted them. I'm usually the mastermind behind all — I can't say all the pictures— but I'm usually the mastermind behind the photos or videos that get controversy.
I shot almost every twerking video. I did all the ones of her and [Blac] Chyna. I did all the ones of her in Trinidad.
It [starts] like, "Benji, I feel like dancing." We dance all the time — if we're not [hiking] at Runyon Canyon, we're dancing because that's all workout. She's like, "Benji, I feel like making a video." And my response is like, "OK, Miss Rose. What song should I listen to?" Then she'll be like, "You ready?" Then I do it. She's very particular — if you take a picture of her, she likes a certain angle. It's all about the frame, she says, about the whole frame of everything. I'm naturally gifted and creative, so I know the correct frame automatically.
I started off as a designer's assistant [to] a celebrity eyewear designer when I was 19. He had tweeted that he was looking for an assistant to help on a shoot, and I responded and got a stand-by ticket with my own money and went. I worked with him for two years [in Baltimore], then I moved to New York and worked for three high-profile celebrity stylists.
The cool thing about [my current] job is that I 100 percent get to be myself. In my previous jobs I could be myself, but there were times when it was appropriate and times when it was "inappropriate" with quotations, basically. I appreciated what I did, but I wasn't complete. Miss Rose embraces me being myself however I look, physically. Because I would say in society, to be who I am is very difficult.
My brand is "tomgirl." My mannerisms are masculine — I address people, "Yes, ma'am; no, sir," I'm very manly — but my fashion sense is soft and glamorous. You know how straight guys are metro if they get into pampering themselves? Well, I wouldn't say that I pamper myself but I "glam" myself. I wear a little heel here and there, have nice long hair. And I'm not a tomboy because I'm not rough with it. So that leads me to being a tomgirl. I love playing with the opposites-attract type of thing. And that's why I got my Instagram name too — @thatsbenji— because when you see me it's like, "That's Benji."
How I came up with my style is that my mother could never give me the best of the best that the normal child would want. My childhood wasn't terrible, it's just that I wasn't very privileged. I was born in Mobile, Alabama, but I was raised from the age of 3 in Pensacola, Florida. You hear my accent. I didn't come from a family that had money; I didn't come from a family who had a mother and a father — I had a mother. But my grandmother introduced me to the thrift store. And when I went to the thrift store I started finding things that I thought were cool, I started looking eclectic or eccentric or "weird," and it had become my style. It affected me [negatively] at first because if you're different as a child, you get picked on. I got verbally bullied a lot. If you're not with the crowd, you're either gay or weird or lame. The kids would be like, "Oh, you're so different, we can't hang out with you."
I didn't come out until I was 18, until I graduated. But it's always been known, like, Oh, Benji's gay. That was a topic because my mannerisms were feminine. You know how kids put you in a box? I was actually "gay" before I knew I was gay. So, thanks, guys. But I really loved, at a young age, the way that I dressed, which was, I didn't dress the same as everyone else at all. I felt like myself. Always.
[When we went to Trinidad for Carnival] I requested my costume before I got there, not knowing anything about the costumes. I was actually wearing a female costume and did not even know it. That changed a lot of mindsets and also encouraged and inspired so many people … just me wearing my heels and my female costume.
Miss Rose even posted me on her Instagram and shouted me out, saying that I inspired so many people. I got 15,000 followers in one day. I didn't think I'd get the response I did. We never think about the response [an Instagram photo] will get. At all. I'm posting the stuff that I think looks nice or I'm posting a memory. When she posts stuff she's like, "OK, here's the cutest picture of my son." We just do it genuinely. We do it like we're brushing our teeth, like it's nothing.
She never thinks about the reactions [when she tweets either]. It's never premeditated, it's never scheduled, we don't have meetings, it's not like, "Oh, let's do this."
If she feuds, she feuds. If she doesn't, she doesn't. When I tell you the negative stuff does not affect me or her … it's like, we don't even look at things that are negative. She's not crying; she's not punching holes in the walls. Look, the only thing I'm doing this morning is this interview. I wasn't here like, "Oh my gosh, what is the Internet saying about the feud [with the Kardashians]? Oh my gosh, what are they saying about her pictures?" Like, that is nothing to me. We really don't have time to stress or be sad or be mad because tomorrow, the next day, we have to work, we have meetings, we have a brand.
Now she has her book [How to Be a Bad Bitch]. I have not read it yet, but I know everything that is in it, word for word. It's about being you, embracing yourself to be the best person that you can be. Being a bad bitch is not being Amber Rose, being a bad bitch is being the best you can be. "Bitch" is an empowering word. It's like back in the day, when you would say "cunt" to somebody, that was disrespectful. But now the gays have embraced that word and it's like, you've been called this bad word for so long that you're going to make this bad word a good word. If I'm going to be a bitch, I'm going to be the best bitch there is. Like me, if I'm going to be a cunt, I'm going be the best cunt there is. And nobody can tell Benji anything different. "I'm the cuntiest of the cunts. Hey, how are you doing?" Do you get what I'm saying? You embrace it.
She tells me, "I always want you to be yourself, bae. I always want you to be comfortable, and I just want you to do you. As long as you do your job, I don't give a fuck what you do. I love you, bae." She calls me "bae." She says it in like a little voice like, "I love you, bae." She plays with the name "muva" [for herself] because she's the "mother" to all her Rosebuds. She's the walking boss in the gay community — a lot of her Rosebuds are gay people; she's like the boss queen. She actually just said, "Benji, we've got to get you a name," and I was like, "Daughta" — not "daughter" but "daughta," like "daughta" and "muva." And she's like, "Perfect." So she'll start calling me "daughta" now.
I love her as my family. We are a family now. Me, Amber, [her] mom, Bash, and Pauly and Franky, the dogs. She inspires me. She's my mentor. Oh my gosh, I'm about to cry — I don't know, she's really more like a guardian angel than a boss. My focus is on her. I am looking forward to supporting Miss Rose as much as she needs me to support her, work for her 'til my grave. I'm happy.
This interview has been edited and condensed.
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