This is not going to be another half-hearted attempt to explain why there are so many stories about strange things happening in Florida. Every day of every week of every year something weird is going on down there. There have been many efforts to explain it but none have come close. People have blamed Florida on migration patterns, old people, politics, weather, economics and whatnot. Maybe all of those things have something to do with it, but maybe they don't. After all, look at a few events that happened in Florida in just the last two weeks:
INVOLVING ANIMALS AND BIBLICAL IMPLICATIONS:
A Tampa man sees a two-headed gator, a woman hides a child in a laundry basket at an unlicensed day care, a man attacks his girlfriend's rabbit in a fight over women's rights, medical assistant brands her children to know they are hers, man uses bleach to kill $20K worth of competitor's bait fish, a manatee is stranded on the beach exhausted by too much sex, endangered bats find refuge at a golf course, man gives another man's car away to pay for his own debt.
HIDING STUFF:
A 450-pound man hides coke and pot under his own fat folds, a clerk steals thousands by stashing money in her bra, a man hides $400 in rectum while under arrest, a man hides a strip club with underage dancers under the guise of a barbershop, a resort hides a military test site in a giant ball on its roof.
IDENTITY ISSUES:
A woman claims she's from an imaginary nation to get "diplomatic immunity" from traffic laws, a wrong Miss Florida is crowned, a man shoots himself again, blames it on imaginary robber, a man pretends to be a cop to scare children, a woman gives the cop a DVD and tries to kiss him when asked for her license, a fleeing man makes false 911 calls to elude police.
INCIDENTS WITH HANDS:
A handcuffed woman eats pot, a handcuffed man jumps into water from a boat to escape cops, forgetting he's handcuffed, a man's prosthetic arms worth $100K are stolen and found.
PLAIN OLD WEIRD VIOLENCE:
A man rejects a lady's amorous advances, she chases him with hunting knife and cane, a man shoots his son fleeing on a riding lawnmower, a woman with machete holds family hostage, threatens deputy with voodoo, man attacks another with hot grits.
What does all this mean? Lucky for you, we made a new show that makes a darn good attempt to explain Florida Men and Women. Here is the trailer for our new Florida-produced web series "Spaceship Florida":
Here's that link again, and here's the website for the series that will be released all over the internets soon.